If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
