why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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