Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
