If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
