Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
