He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
