The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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