Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
