11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
