ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
