I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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