very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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