I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
honey bunches of taint.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
