my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
