remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
