thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
