Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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