after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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