I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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