she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
