I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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