I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it glows. i had to have it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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