The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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