help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
