NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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