Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
