sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
