Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
