Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
