I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
