blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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