i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
