This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think your dad took our porno
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
