I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
