I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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