I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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