Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
