Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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