I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
