u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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