i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
