Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
