They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
