the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
