Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
