You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
