I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
