she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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