When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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