Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
